Have you ever observed, how our mind is never empty it is always filed with a constant stream of thoughts. Some of which are about the past, for eg., ruminating about what happened? or about our daily task/routine or work at hand. And the most commonly we all think about is what is going to happen in future! We think about approximately 60,000 thoughts per day or more. We are never aware about it because most of these thoughts are automatic or happen without our realization. Thoughts are basically your inner dialogue i.e. back & forth conversation we do with oneself.
This self-talk or what we called as inner dialogue affects us more than we could ever think. Our thoughts, emotions & behavior are connected, What we repeatedly say to ourselves affects how we feel & what we do. For example, imagine 10 people who failed at same exam are going to react differently to failure. Some will feel disappointed whereas others will easily move on to next course. Why do you think is the difference? It is because how we think about these situation.
We often think that internal struggles we face, all the intense negative emotions we experience like anger, anxiety, stress, frustration are the result of situation we experienced so we have no choice but to suffer. Here is the thing, what we do not realize enough is that our thoughts can definitely make a difference. We do not need to suffer, we have a choice to think differently. “Man is disturbed not by things but by the views he takes of them” (by Albert Ellis). So it is never a situation but what we choose to think about it, what we say to ourselves.
I am not denying the fact that, it is natural to have a negative reaction as a result of negative event/situation. For example, if you have not been able to get desired result, you are going to get sad that is normal & appropriate. But when sadness is so prominent that it is not allowing you live properly then it becomes a problem. That’s when it is necessary to work on your thoughts & how you are looking at situation.
You know, not every thought we think is true. It’s important to check accuracy of your thoughts whether it aligns with reality or not.
If your thoughts are making you feel negative here are some ways to manage them,
- Watch your negative thoughts:
I understand that most of our thoughts are automatic but creating awareness about it is the first step. Identify your negative thoughts, what you say to yourself, labels you use etc. and also notice about how it makes you feel. You can write daily diary to monitor your thoughts. It will be very useful to understand to your thought pattern.
- Challenge your thoughts:
You need to ask yourself, are they making sense to me? Are they helping me? Always check your thoughts against the facts or reality. Don’t ever sell yourself false stories.
- Change the thought:
Come up with more accurate, rational realistic thought. We cannot think about positive & negative thought at the same time. So a change in thought will definitely bring change in emotions it will make you feel better.